"Conscious" CommUNITY?

I'll begin with a trigger warning, since it seems that's a nice buzz word floating about right now.

Welcome to conscious communication..

where just words may trigger a feeling, or a thought, or a protest.

I invite the famous statement to mind, 'words have power.'

Welp. We shall see.

Indeed, words do have power, as do the absence of them, certainly.

The thing with words, I'll state as a linguist and observer of the mind, is this:

megaphone tahp's: silent & loud

Words can only hurt if we allow them.

Stated or received.

Right in the center, between power and pain, there exists a quiet depth.

It is from here I shall speak only to what I have seen and experienced, as it pertains to "conscious community" through the absolute hardest two years of my life: rebuilding a brain, a life, and a career to support a healthy mind, abundant in ability.

My written words come on day four of vocal silence; a movement I am engaging with, as is practiced in many spiritual communities for clarity of mind & speech.

The below message is not meant to serve as a personal attack, nor cause harm, against any one member of the society I love and live within, make no mistake.

These words, rather, are for the collective, and for the sake of non-personalization in particular.

I call to vision my own observant, personal awarenesses of hypocrisy, double standards, judgment, and irresponsible ignorance within the community many are claiming as "conscious.'

There. You've been warned.

Write to be Heard, SA

It has been surprising how many people supposedly "read" the words I've written, particularly on vocal silence, then pick up the phone to call me.

My friends, do you think I'm joking, or did you not listen as you saw the words you say you read?

I may be playing a game to make my personal evolution easier on growth and learning, but I am not joking.

Conscious communication is a bit different than "conscious community,"

in a very I'm-going-to-speak-up-for-myself kinda way. May we all enjoy the ride.

If this stands to make a few of you really uncomfortable, I get that.. we shall try to stick with the forewarning, as well my loving hints at non-personalization, if any should like to get through this unscathed.

You each do, of course, have the human right to exercise your choice to ignore what you've already opened and started consuming. Perogative is principal.

A choice toward ignorance is anticipated, and would indeed lend weight to my theories that most I have called family are actually out here for what I'll say feels like the antithesis of "conscious" claims, presenting more like stark unconsciousness, with a side of ignore-ant community disconnection.

Again, this just from my observations, and yes, I do mean even at your gathreings, retreats, and fire circles, too, where I may feel it less, but see, in exchange more and more hidden behind the practices we teach, leaving little space to practice.

truth tahp's, flying through

Half-conscious, ignore-ant community connection resembles individuals only allowed their role according to some others hierarchal idea, or basically your plan here.

Such appears to be "better" than everyone else's, to not even allow a few words of support at the close of your "conscious" community circle.

Not being given space to share, nor time to be heard, nor moments of reflection on any internal issues at all.. leaves members feeling alone, even while some of us stand there, preaching that we do not walk this indiviudated path alone..

Nevermind the fucking money, people... what about literally anything else going on?

What about your truths and your fears that keep you from authentically relating?

Any flashlights on those?

Claiming to be a member practicing "conscious community," then shutting out and ignoring other members of such, is an avoidant, bully tactic of a very sub- and unconscious experience; living awake, but half-asleep, as some would say.

Such a habit in not-listening is frequently confused with an indiviudal using their position to get and stay in-control, is that what you're going for?

If so, I am happy to be removed.

If that's not your aim, oh conscious community mommas & papas, aunties & unlces, then I suggest you clean the shit out those ears and tap back into your hearts.

To silence, publicly shut down, and act from hierarchal posturing, is an attempt to humiliate voices away from speaking at all, even with & on behalf of you.

Not the case, you say? Prove it. Speak your words of truth.

My goal from silence is to listen to every syllable, vibration, and call to care coming at me.

I'm listening. Text, voice message, email.. go on, then..

I won't even speak back, or up.. my vow of silence is through funding, which could take a while considering the barriers to humanity I am keen to deconstruct round these parts.

Each of you is valuable to me and if I'm wrong, or have missed something so far, I would like such to be made known, so that I am not operating only from a not-so-silent, currently tucked away, mind.

Be mindful in understanding:

I seek not your story, but consciousness around your system of awareness.

I'm not into excuses.

I have been immersed in spiritual study for my yogic vows for just under 2 years, and I've only been silent for four days...

I won't imagine community truths in consciousness have shifted so largely out there that my sentiments have expired, or that my acknowledgments don't ring, or even perhaps sting.

In fact, to my own point, I have witnessed such unconscious, hurtful behavior in my very small circles, even as recently as yesterday.

Ask yourself, perhaps, what are you trying to control by remaining unconscious?

The community, your partner, or yourself?

What about my words or actions cause shut out, what feels so out of your control that you need to treat someone you love so ignorantly? Me, my circumstances, or my finances?

There is only one right answer above and I can almost guarantee most didn't even catch it.

The only person out here we should be trying to control is our damn selves.

A+ if you got it.

And by control, I really mean SELF-CARING because nobody, least of all YOU, wants to be controlled by anyone, least of all YOU.

Inhale compassion. Exhale control.

What I have felt since my brain was fried, through starting this venture to heal and expand, in SPADES from varying communities is: distrust, placation, disbelief, disrespect, annoyance, words without actions, actions without permissions, boundary bumps like mad, and a grwoing disinterest in seeing most people I used to know ever again.

It's sad to me, but also, not my fucking problem.

And yes, those are only the negatives, I know.. and to each negative a positive, I hope, but I stopped taking "those" classes and started focusing on my practice for myself and humanity, rather than my precious yoga booty, and this has defintiely opened my eyes.

Alas, this is not a reflective need within my own work, my friends, though I dove in there deep,

questioned alot (thanks to the doubt of my "friends"), and, I must say, it took me a sum of time to get to the understanding that this is an overall community issue, and my findings are solid.

Perhaps, reflect upon yourself before wagging that finger one more time.. at any one.

How many hours a day you

on that phone, friend?

Are you conscious of the answer?

Be sure, there is no judgement in divinity.

I will not seek to ever tabulate, or manage, the hours your are on your phone, nor with whom, doing what, when, or giving energy to why any one is managing their time & lives how they see fit, unless they ask for my help.

This isn't a message of judgement, no.

It is one of discernment & concern for our communit.

It is one in defense of examples of good yoga being drowned out by single-minded, westernized efforts & fears.

There are, in fact, people out here not practicing what they preach, and yes, I may mean YOU. Don't look in your mind at me, or across the room, to someone else.

Is this message for you, that's between you and you.

I will challenge you to consider: how is that phone serving your higher purpose?

More to the point, is it?

Specficially, while you're out here, saying you're part of a conscious community, ignoring the people you publicly "claim" as a friend, partner, or family member, is that phone serving your calling?

Let me tell y'all a little something:

removing myself from this community has taught me some valuable truths:

Namely, I am not claimable.

I am flexible, I am maliable, I am strong, I am valuable, I am useful, and I am a lot of other things (see previous blog), but not one of them is 'claimable'..

Any out here thinking they know ME because they've spent a few hours with me over the years, and now know of my current plight, stands as one in a shadow of ignorance to my truth, to my history, to my studies, to my work, and to my growth...

And honestly, I am insulted.

Locking me into a limited and antiquated version of an idea you once had is simply a reflection of where you stopped growing, which I am only pointing to for the sake of truth.

Not the case, you say?

Again, prove it.

Speak your words of truth, show me where I'm wrong.

I"m here for it.

I tell my studnets regularly, "Put your actions where your mouth is."

I'll wait, I'll watch, I'll listen, I'll absorb, I'll answer questions..

while I sit over here doing my work, day in... and day out.. from the safety of these here fingers and this blessed brain I rebuilt for the sake of not standing in any shadows.

If you're growing, you're going to see growth.

A little mushroom that caps at 3 inches will not know the sequoia for the very shrub it's positionally stuck behind, under, or inside.

You're not a mushroom. You are a human capable of growing, mowing, chopping, burning, trasnforming, and seeing clearly past that bush you've stationed yourself within.

May we be reminded of the mycelium network, and how a small vibration can send a message to another mushroom miles away.

What is my point, if none of us are mushrooms?

Tahp in, if you don't feel the call to action, I'll happily take this discussion to further depths.

I love you each, despite the overall sloppy, community care dangling about the air, even and especially, of my own making.

Are you comortable, yet?

By all means, close this browser, if not.

Go back to your socials (yes, I know, there is "so much good" stuff on there now, including supporting your friends, right?), or back to the game you've be anticipating for distraction, or better yet, get off here and get to teaching that ancient art you may or may not practice...

To be fair to everyone's process and, in truth, I'm used to it...

and I can figure my own shit out, I'm sure, but I'll be damned if I sit over here quiet about it, even, and most certainly, from silence.

The American dictionary describes ignorant as, "lacking knowledge or awareness, in general."

Well, to be less general, and further, by the root of the word "ignore", such is a wilful choice to remain in lack mindset.. while people be preaching about abundance... smh.

Can you hear me NOW?

Ignorance is a decision within the one to remain unaware when the option to learn more is clear, available, and likely of import to the individual or circumstances that have been elected to ignore.

It would not be ignorant, however, to simply not know... space and grace to those just waking.

May the truth about the surrounding "conscious community" be delivered with gentility and humilty, for the sturcture is simply lacking in integrity, not heart, of this I am sure.

I would hate to see another human get hurt for a sleeping persons lack of sight, however, while they spout on about what they learned in yoga teacher training, with much regrad for external morality.

On the contrary, the very meaning of the root word ignorant is to know something important, but then consciously look away -- anyone else hear the word 'ignore' in 'ignorant'?

Webster may describe it otherwise, but I like origins and roots; the truer meanings of words. Origins speak volumes and are, well, much harder to ignore.

If we were to go by English dictionaries, we might be paging from "ignorant" to, perhaps, "radical spiritualisim," maybe "conscious uncoupling," or even still, "outright refusal to listen," to get to the point of what I've been noticing in "conscious" community.

Perhaps a defined blend of the three. Not sure of that word... yet.

In truth, I went to bed sweet, then woke up salty and spicy, with some really big feels upon my heart.

Why?

Because I continue to feel the weight of an uncaring community, claiming to be of collective consciousness.

THIS, is a huge trigger for me, as it ought to be for anyone.

I speak to it, perhaps to relieve some tension, perhaps to acknowledge, directly, the large elephant in the room.. perhaps to stir some actual conscious awareness.

I stand in truth.

We will see what happens.

I will try to communicate as clearly and as gently as is meritted,

but as you may have heard me say before, I make no promises, only goals.

On that note, I woke up this morning feeling some kind of way -- instantly upon waking, at 5am sharp, This is not how I am accustomed to waking up, for the record.

My mornings usually start with positive statements about myself, the work I am doing for myself and the community, goals to honor a full ay of healing successes, and a meditation to assure my energy is in the "right" place.

Energies be damned, this morning, however, as a heavy MOURNING came about me and remains, despite the rumble I took through my otherwise gentle routine.

My co-star, famously providing tack sharp guidance, states this morning, as I speak to my own experiences being ignored, "Think about the signals you are ignoring."

What a powerful perspective shift.

My issue is not me being ignored, it's the act of others doing the ignoring that's got me signaled. Very different sentiments with appropraite weight on Mr & Ms. Downward Dog, party of follwers, over there acting like "love and light" comes with a fucking yoga mat.

I tried to pull in loving-kindness for the community's that have me reeling, and gushes of such remain, as I am a humanitairan, not an asshole, or dick, as some have recently called me.

The thing is, the fullest I could get to, so far, was loving kindness for myself, which I believe is a great start... and certainly for the youth, awake & wishing the adults would see their own blindness.

There's a lot more consciousness out here to become aware of, my friends.

This I have learned right from my porch, teaching yoga like its on fire, because it is, listening to my neighbors and community members, whom I thank for sharing what needs to be lifted through this expereince, and certainly, most powerfully, through my own silence, which I will resume again shortly.

Well, right after announcing my own righteous call for support.

Your sister has been through hell, my friends,

and the flames are still licking at my dirty, moveless feet.

Should you hear me, perhaps you'll wish to be 1 of the 200

I have offered a chance to structure this new project & venture with.

I would love to feel your support in existence here, for the good of the whole, not just for me, but for the collective awareness and move toward the conscious support of our whole.

I believe your support alone would make a lot of us feel less alone.

If you do not believe in my stance, you are welcome to fly off back to your reality.

For everyone else, I invite a consideration of a $50 donation toward the very large amount I need to save my home, my phone, and my vehicle... in belief, trust, faith and support of my life's work.

Curious as to why I'm behind on bills, or what I'm doing to "earn" such an offering of support?

That's for us to know and you to find out, my friend.

Such invovles a class, a converstaion, and/or your curiosity... in any case, your time, which I am truly grateful for.

I've grown tired of explaining myself when I am met with repeated unrefined resistence, opinions, and judgements galore, the same within the yoga communities, as out.

Don't have the time, curosity, or energy?

Well, a virtual, cash hi-five for speaking truth is always appreciated.

venmo: @iamsansa . cashapp: @aranyayoga . paypal: @iamsansalove

Yes, I am a woman out here begging for change, but not the kind my neighbors stand on the corners for.

The kind that works to be part of the collective; the kind seeking to celebrate & support each persons "why," the same as I TRY to wake to do for myself each rising I am gifted.

Whether I'm offering to scoop a small sum from my pocket, designate time for true listening, or leaning in with curiousity & creativity, seeing how my strengths applied can support a healthy human belief system, my eyes are on the whole and focused on support.

What is the core belief of such a movement, you ask?

That we each have a unique and inherant value, potential, and purpose...

and further, especially while we are all trying to wake up,

our voices deserve the right to be heard.

Are you 1 of 200?

Venmo: @iamsansa

CashApp: @aranyayoga

PayPal: @iamsansalove

Sansa E. Aranya, silent vocalist, for now..